Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight

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(678): View more from Georgia

Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids

Fav 38 9920 1933
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(573): View more from Missouri

On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.

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(713): View more from Texas

Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on

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(816): View more from Missouri

I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.

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(813): View more from Florida

You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.

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(614): View more from Ohio

This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!

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(716): View more from New York

What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?

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(314): View more from Missouri

i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.

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