Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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