no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
