I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
