When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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