I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
