How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
