sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
