I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Randomize
