it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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