I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
