my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
love makes seman taste better
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
