I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
