i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
