What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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