just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
