yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
