just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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