How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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