Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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