So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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