imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
