how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
