Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
