Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
