I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
