Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
