I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
