Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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