Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
