Please, let me fuck your mom
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
