I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He shit in the fireplace
I need to align my fucking chakras
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
