CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
