I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
