Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
