its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
