Tell her she can't have a vagina
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
