Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
