No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Randomize
