Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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