too bad you live with your parents still
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
