So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
