Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Im part way to drunk.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
