I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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