You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
