Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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