just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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