my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
