A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
