I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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