how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
