It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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