Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
