yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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