I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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