i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
