Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
